


To See Me Through

by waywardangel (leviarty)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, First Kiss, Fix-It of Sorts, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, Post-Finale, they're absolutely smitten morons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:47:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27597071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leviarty/pseuds/waywardangel
Summary: I don’t plan on doing this from Dean’s POV, so I’m just gonna say it here. Cas thinks nothing has changed, and while he’s probably right, from Dean’s perspective everything has changed. He’s trying to test the waters, gauge exactly what Cas’ feelings are. He sits closer, and talks softer, pretty much does everything shy of shoving him into a wall. The problem is… he was already doing all that before. He’s actively trying to flirt with Cas, not realizing he’s already been doing it for years.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 123





	To See Me Through

Nothing changed.

Sam and Dean welcomed him back with open arms—each of them hugged him upon his return, Dean holding on just a little too tight. “Welcome back, Cas,” was whispered into his ear as the hug went on for a couple beats too long.

And that, well, that was normal, wasn’t it? A heartfelt reunion following a resurrection was a familiar exchange in the Winchester family.

And nothing changed.

Actually, _everything_ had changed. There was no more grand evil to face off against, no more digging and digging and digging for whatever enemy plagued them. When Sam and Dean (and sometimes Cas, sometimes Eileen) went off on a hunt, it was just that. They would return a few days later, having vanquished the thing they set out to, maybe covered in blood and guts, but otherwise no worse for the wear.

But the dynamic between them didn’t change at all.

Dean still threw his arm over Cas’ shoulder when they were walking side-by-side, still stood just a little bit closer than Sam did, still offered him breakfast and cooked him dinner though he knew it wasn’t needed, still invited him to watch movies in the Dean-cave… Everything was the same.

Cas wasn’t sure exactly what he was expecting, and maybe it was better that things didn’t change, but he had been expecting _something_. Some discomfort, some acknowledgment that his feelings weren’t reciprocated. But there wasn’t, and while Cas was glad that their relationship hadn’t been adversely affected but it, he was still _confused_.

Some two weeks after his return, Dean sat across from him in the library, staring at the screen of his laptop while tapping his pen aggressively on the table. Eileen and Sam had gone off on a hunt, while Cas and Dean had drawn the short straws, staying behind to handle the research. Cas could see that it was making Dean anxious, as research tended to do. But every time Cas looked up from his book, he would catch Dean already looking at him, only to see him hurriedly look away, returning to his search through the archives.

“Is something wrong?” Cas asked, after perhaps the 6th time this occurred.

“Hmm?” Dean asked, looking back up at him, as though he hadn’t just been caught staring.

“It seems that something is bothering you,” Cas said.

“Nope,” Dean said quickly. “All good.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, Cas, everything is fine.” Dean offered him a bright smile, the one that always seemed to make his insides melt. And yet… Castiel knew him well. Something _was_ bothering Dean.

But he also knew that pressing him was not the way to find answers. Dean would talk when he was ready to do so, and not a moment before.

“I think I’m going to make some coffee,” Cas said, closing his book and rising from his chair a few minutes later. In truth, the coffee did very little for him, but he did enjoy the taste, and he always found pleasure in the simple act of drinking a cup with Dean.

“Cas, wait.” Dean pushed back his chair and stood up as Cas turned back to him.

“What did you mean?” Dean asked. “When you said… what you said.”

Cas furrowed his brow in confusion.

Dean took a couple steps closer. “Before the Empty took you.”

Oh. “Oh.” His stomach churned with dread. “I thought my meaning was quite clear.”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “Yeah, I’m not really sure it was. Because I’ve been trying to figure it out, to find an explanation that makes sense… and I just keep coming back to the one that doesn’t make sense.”

Oh, Dean. It was so typical of him to believe that no one could love him, that he wasn’t deserving of it.

“So, if you could just clear it up for me.”

“I meant that I love you,” Castiel said easily.

“Like you love Sam and Jack and Mom,” Dean said.

“No. I do love them, yes, but it’s not the same.”

Dean nodded slowly, though Cas could see that he was still struggling.

“You told us you loved us, when you were dying from Ramiel’s lance…”

“I meant it then, too.”

Dean turned his back on him, running his hand through his hair as he let out a jagged breath.

“I’m sorry I’ve made you uncomfortable,” Cas started.

“It’s not that,” Dean said, turning to face him again. He was silent for a few moment, deep in thought. “I’m not good at this. Love. Relationships.”

“Dean, I don’t… I don’t need you to reciprocate—”

“But I do,” Dean said quickly.

Oh.

 _Oh_.

“I do,” he said again. “I just… You’re an _angel_.”

“Yes,” Cas replied, wholly uncertain of his point. “Though, not much of one, these days.”

“I didn’t think… I didn’t think it was something you could feel.”

Cas recoiled slightly, wrinkling his brow. “I have always cared for you. All of you.”

“No, I know,” Dean said. “But it’s not quite the same, is it? Caring about us, and loving me… its different.”

“Yes,” Cas said. “And you’re right. Angels were never built for love. But I was never particularly good at following the rules.”

Dean let out a small laugh.

“So… What does this mean for us?”

Dean shook his head. “I don’t know. But can you just kiss me now?”

Cas smiled and stepped forward, closing the gap between them. He brushed his lips against Dean’s, tentative at first, but as he did, Dean’s hand came up to his face, his thumb tracing along his jaw, pressing back against him with determination. His other arm came up around him, pulling him closer as they moved in unison. Cas’ fingers card through the hairs at the base of Dean’s neck. Every sensation was dizzying, from the breathlessness in his chest, to the pressure of Dean’s lips, to the feel of his hands…

When Dean eventually broke away, it was only out of a desperate need to replenish the air in his lungs—Cas knew, because he felt it too. Dean rested their foreheads together, his eyes closed as he took several deep, rough breaths.

Dean opened his eyes a few breaths later, looking directly into Cas’.

“Hi.”

“Hello, Dean.”

“You were gonna make coffee.”

“I don’t need it.”

Dean kissed him again.

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t plan on doing this from Dean’s POV, so I’m just gonna say it here. Cas thinks nothing has changed, and while he’s probably right, from Dean’s perspective everything has changed. He’s trying to test the waters, gauge exactly what Cas’ feelings are. He sits closer, and talks softer, pretty much does everything shy of shoving him into a wall. The problem is… he was already doing all that before. He’s actively trying to flirt with Cas, not realizing he’s already been doing it for years.


End file.
